Before I was diagnosed in June 2011 I had just about reached a point after my losing my husband in August 2009 where it would have been nice to meet someone. However then being diagnosed with Breast Cancer somewhat stopped me in my tracks.
Towards the end of my treatment I did start to really miss the affection and love that being with the right person brings, I jumped into something...probably far too fast and found that I couldn't start to sort myself out, which I am basically having to do from scratch, and put in the effort required to keep the relationship going. If I was in an established relationship I have no doubt it would be different.
I think I need to be selfish for a while - no that's wrong - maybe I just need to put myself first for a change and really sort out my head after what has been the worst three years of my life. Sometimes I think I make light of it to stop myself from facing it all because when I do like now for example it makes me fall apart, and it also reminds me that the one person above all others that I want to be here to put me back together isn't and never will be again.
It is nearing 3 years since my husband died, 3 years since I felt his arms wrapped around me making me feel safe and loved, it makes my heart ache. I can honestly say I loved him more deeply than anyone or anything, that feeling never went away and if anything just grew stronger as time went on.
I just feel like I want to tell people, if you have that love, the love that brings out the best in both of you in every way, hold on tight to it, never, never take it for granted and maybe you can make a wish for me, that when I am ready I will get a love like that back again someday.