So, it’s been a while, more than 4 years since I last put a new post on here. Things have changed, I’m married again now to an amazing man, we tied the knot in May 2018 and have moved to Worcestershire where we live with out menagerie, 3 dogs, 2 cats, and 2 chickens.
Life is still not easy and in the last 10 years plus the path I am on has been strewn with cow pats from the devils own satanic herd. Some I have avoided and some I have practically face planted into.
I was reading a friends post on Facebook this morning about how as someone who has had cancer you constantly carry that fear of recurrence and death around with you, I have written about it myself in this blog, and it suddenly dawned on me that give or take a day it was exactly 10 years ago that I found my lump. 10 years.
I couldn’t let this anniversary pass without writing something so here we are.
10 fucking years.
In some ways it has flown, in others it has dragged but did I think I would still be here 10 years on...probably not. It’s a funny old thing how when you are younger you feel invincible and have no fear of death... but for me now I won’t say I fear it as we all have to go sometime but I definitely have a healthy respect for it. I crave life, and time and unless you have had to face losing both it’s hard to explain.
10 years ago I met quite a few amazing women who had breast cancer and although we all overcame at the time there are some of those women who are no longer with us, that has been a bitter pill to swallow, especially knowing that these women had children, families... you do wonder why some of us are still here and how unfair it is that they are not.
I see many women, some friends even that are just starting their journey after being diagnosed. One of the most difficult things I learned was that unless you have people to talk to who have been in your shoes it is very difficult to have anyone else understand.
So I guess I just want to say this, you may find it a cliche but I don’t care.
Life with and after cancer is tough, if you are lucky it will get easier with time. None of us know how much time we have and if this disease will bite us in the ass again, but that can be true for anyone, the worry will always be there but you have to try not to let it rule you, don’t try to forget it or ignore it but don’t let that fear take over what life you have left.
Appreciate what you have, show people how you feel, be kind, don’t dwell, enjoy yourself, don’t hide your feelings good or bad, talk, cry, laugh.
Connect with people that understand, trust me you will need them down the line when no one else gets it, because it never ends, you are never 100% better and the effects on your mental and physical health will always be there.
Embrace the sometimes ridiculousness of it all, laugh at yourself, be honest with people about the effects.
Cancer will not define your life if you don’t let it, but it will always be a part of your life, embrace it and be there when you can for those starting on their own journeys years from now.
Your life is not written, nor is it infinite as you are now, so live, don’t just exist, as any one of us could be gone tomorrow.
