I finished my hospital treatment on March 13th 2012. It has been approximately 2 and a bit weeks and it feels like forever. I'm not sure if others have experienced this but I seem to swing from having infinite patience and tolerance to none at all! I have found myself to be snappy and mean and that's just not me, I don't like it but I guess its one of those psychological side effects that comes from being ill and poked and prodded and having limited ability to do what you want and go where you want for a year.
I want everything now or even better yesterday! I don't want to wait for anything and it feels like my recovery is going at a snails pace. I just want normality I guess, to be able to go bloody swimming so I can start to get rid of the weight I've gained through treatment, to go out for a few hours and not be totally knackered the next day! To put my hair in a ponytail! Lol!
This road to recovery is going to be a long one it seems and there are still hurdles to come - I have to see the Genetics people in April and am worried the outcome will include more surgery, I am still waiting to see what side effects the Tamoxifen (hormone treatment) will have on me, every test I have puts me on tender hooks and this is all before I have to look for a job/place to live and start my life over again.
I guess being through all this I just want simplicity in my life - no games, no complications just truth and purity, its very true that life is too short to mess about, but with living in that way you must be brave - to be honest to be true to yourself in all areas of your life. Its an old adage but in the end the truth will set you free.......
Hi Z
ReplyDeleteYou need to slow down with the worrying girl. Take the genetics test, exercise, tamoxifen, house hunting and job hunting in increments. One day at a time. Worrying about the next year is just too much to carry. I know how you feel you just want to get to a stage where this is behind you and you are in control of you life (a normal one from now on?). Well you are over the worst and you are cancer free, and its all down hill from here. Besides you are going on hols soon. Thats something to look forward to!
Re low tolerance I was just tlaking to my hubby about it. They say the tablets etc makes you agressive. I take Vit B and as it relates to the rest I just have a low tolerance for bullsh£t now, and irritating people. When I get irritated I take a deep breath and remember the world has not changed, but I have and I count to 10!...lol
You'll be fine.....a lady was temping at our office who had surgery 17 years ago.......she's still fine.....don't go forward in fear (you sound less afraid now)......and just accept that like everyone else we need to live life to the fullest....
When you are feeling better.....we could go canoeing (Monmouth)..........lol!
Noels
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