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Saturday, 11 February 2012

Dying to live

So, this week I heard of the deaths of two Breast Cancer fighters - it's not something you tend to talk about too much I guess as remaining positive goes a long way.  I do however have a small girl in the back of my mind who is terrified by the prospect of dying from Breast Cancer, and this week she escaped and had a full blown screaming run around in my head!

I do try not to think about it, but as will anyone who has had a serious illness it's always there, I just feel so terrible for these amazing women's families and friends, but it also sets off these alarms in my head - a full on panic - what if, what if, what if it happens to me too.

When this happens it just sends me into a spiral of thinking about all the things I still want to do and still need time to do.  I really want to be a Mom, I want to meet an amazing Man and be happy, be a family, I want to travel and experience, to live and love, to laugh and dance....anything but die, and my girl in my head just keeps running and screaming out all these things.

So here we are a few days later and the screaming girl in my head has calmed somewhat.  As I get closer to the end of my treatment I seem to get more and more upset, when I should be overjoyed!  A subject I think for my next Blog......


  1. Maybe, in a weird way, it's a positive thing! It makes you think of all those things you want to do (and dont want to miss out on) and WILL do when you have fully recovered.
    Better start planning all those wonderful trips.:)

  2. U don't have to think about death.u have to fight for your right to live,to fine an amazing man,to become mom and laugh and dance and everything makes u happy.
    Good luck girl!
    Be yourself! Be strong!