Over the last few months I have been called lots of things, inspiring, amazing, wonderful and even a hero. These very generous comments have come from family, friends and more often than not strangers. But I have to say as flattering as these comments are, I don't believe the hype. I am honoured to be able to raise awareness for Breast Cancer and other issues and will help anyone in any way I can but I don't see myself as anything special....I'm just me.
It does make me wonder though how other people in my life really see me now? Am I still the same Zoe as I was before all the body blows life has dealt me or am I someone different? I find it interesting now that after what I've been through some people want to keep me close while others want to push me away - I think this comes down to fear & how you react when someone you know has a life threatening illness - do you keep them close & relish your time with them or do you push them away because if something went wrong and you did lose them, could you cope?
I think generally my friends and family that have been around me during my treatment are relieved that I have been quite lucky in that I have not had any major traumas or been very very ill. There has only been one point where my Mom has said that I did look very poorly and that did scare her so all in all I think we have done OK!! I know that my parents have found this hard but my relationship with them is all the stronger for it - I try to be mindful that although I am the one who is sick they have had to face the prospect that they could lose me - I remember vividly the horror on my Mothers face when my Consultant said "you should live for another 10 years" - at 34 its not exactly much time!
Relationships during a time like this are always changing because the situation is, I think I try my best not to moan & to just get on with it but its always amazing to have support from family and friends and I hope that they know just how much I love and appreciate them and always will.