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Tuesday, 17 January 2012

How do they see me now?

Over the last few months I have been called lots of things, inspiring, amazing, wonderful and even a hero. These very generous comments have come from family, friends and more often than not strangers.  But I have to say as flattering as these comments are, I don't believe the hype.  I am honoured to be able to raise awareness for Breast Cancer and other issues and will help anyone in any way I can but I don't see myself as anything special....I'm just me.

It does make me wonder though how other people in my life really see me now?  Am I still the same Zoe as I was before all the body blows life has dealt me or am I someone different?  I find it interesting now that after what I've been through some people want to keep me close while others want to push me away - I think this comes down to fear & how you react when someone you know has a life threatening illness - do you keep them close & relish your time with them or do you push them away because if something went wrong and you did lose them, could you cope? 

I think generally my friends and family that have been around me during my treatment are relieved that I have been quite lucky in that I have not had any major traumas or been very very ill.  There has only been one point where my Mom has said that I did look very poorly and that did scare her so all in all I think we have done OK!! I know that my parents have found this hard but my relationship with them is all the stronger for it - I try to be mindful that although I am the one who is sick they have had to face the prospect that they could lose me - I remember vividly the horror on my Mothers face when my Consultant said "you should live for another 10 years" - at 34 its not exactly much time!

Relationships during a time like this are always changing because the situation is, I think I try my best not to moan & to just get on with it but its always amazing to have support from family and friends and I hope that they know just how much I love and appreciate them and always will.

3 comments:

  1. Hi Zoe!
    I don't know which is the motivation for write down my comment..
    I don't know how is it feel in your situation..
    I don't know so much things so I have decided to write to you.
    You ask "How do they see me now?". It's so important? And it's more important now more than before your illness?
    And then...you aren't the same zoe just like I'm not the same person that I was day per day in all my 30 years of my life.
    Life.. it change ourselves day by day depending on what about happens to us.
    Better or worse? What's the matter? What's the better way to live?
    I think there isn't a right way to live.. so .. JUST LIVE!
    Unfortunately we can't decide for all our lives but we can decide for the time that is granted.

    A can't understand what you have been e what do you feel now, but I think that person who loves you want all your love till the end of time.

    I'm not sure that my words can (in some way) help you fellin' better.. but that is my thought.

    @ale_snaz

    P.S. I'm very sorry for my english... I'm a Jackass!! XD

    ReplyDelete
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